So while talking to a friend about his new girlfriend, we started breaking down the pillars of a good relationship and how you need all 3 to stand firm. (I am speaking non-religiously here so bare with me, purposely omitting "love" because of its subjective nature) It all comes down to: Chemistry, Mental, and Physical. If you have 2/3 then usually you are in a boring relationship (mental/physical), booty call (chemistry/physical), or have a best friend (chemistry/mental). All are important but the balance is what keeps things fresh, new, and exciting.
Chemistry
That magical thing that tells you this person is cool. A certain comfort level you have with the person. You can be yourself and it's all good. You don't have to "try" so hard to please or even just to pay attention. You want to be around this person because it excites you. Now chemistry of course can easily cross over to mental and physical but I think it is unique in that you KNOW right off the bat when there is real chemistry or just animal magnetism chemistry. It's the kind that makes you giggle. Yea, I said it "giggle". Chemistry is what I think the big L word springs from the most. Now natural chemistry (what I've talked about so far) and sustained chemistry are totally different. I think sustained is what real happy marriages thrive on. The learning and experiencing new things together.
Mental
Now here is where personality, loyalty, humor, wit, charm and all those sexy brain things come into play. the things all moms tell their daughters to look for in a man because they didn't at their age. (lol) A good friend of mind was stating on how she loved this guys brain. How he thought, answered questions, asked questions, and all. It was a profound statement as she went to talk about how she loved the conversation and the randomness of the topics. A former flame of mine had the best humor ever. Super silly, pop culture references abound, high brow humor, low brow humor, witty, sarcastic. Our convos were like two comedians bouncing material off of each other. Another girl was ridiculously intelligent and insightful. We would debate for hours on end over social, political, psychologocial, topics without exhaustion. It was nice to be challenged and checked by someone who thought and analyzed as much as I did.
Physical
I don't care what anyone says, if you do not want to see your partner naked, you need to leave the relationship. Sexual problems is what kills so many relationships and causes most of the cheating. Which is silly because all you need to fix that is communication. Seriously, as men, we don't know were that bad unless you tell us. Most of us don't think that hard into sex besides getting off. So it's on women to let us know what do to do. And for women, we know you are a lot freakier than you care to admit and the more mature guys won't care how you got that way and will be happy you are that way with us. Having a healthy sexual discussion instead of letting it flow (and assuming your partner knows what to do) will help you more in the long run.
Now I could be wrong (it does happen sometimes, only sometimes though) and religion plays a major factor in a lot of bad and good relationships. And omitting other factors such as work, school, mortgages, rent, family, kids etc over simplifies this discussion. But thats the point. This sheit ain't that hard nor easy and you will find it more easy than hard when you really look at the core reasons for being with somebody. You can have such great chemistry that you ignore the crazy, immature part of a person. Or the sex is so good you will let go that you aren't mentally stimulated. Or the person is so cool, nice, loyal, and fun you can ignore you really don't like the sex and have a superficial chemistry going on. I am only using examples I have observed but you see my point. it takes some work but also got to be honest with yourself and lover in what you want out of a relationship.
So my fellow Group members, what say you?
[yes, i'm really back this time. i'm a busy guy, lol]
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